How Childhood Experiences Shape Your Beliefs, Nervous System & Sense of Self
Introduction: If You’ve Ever Wondered, “Why Am I Still Like This?” — You’re Not Alone
Maybe you've said it to yourself quietly after another spiral.
Or after feeling like your reaction was “too much.”
Or when you noticed a need arise that left you feeling... ashamed.
“I should be over this by now.”
That sentence right there? It's one of the loudest inner echoes I hear from clients in my practice.
And it often points to something important — not that you’re broken, but that you’re still carrying something your nervous system never got to fully release or understand.
In this blog, we’ll gently explore how early childhood experiences — especially those involving relational trauma, unmet needs, or emotional misattunement — can shape:
- Your core beliefs about yourself
- The way your nervous system responds to stress or intimacy
- Your ongoing inner dialogue around shame, need, and worthiness
We’ll also begin introducing the idea that healing is not only possible — it’s something your system is already trying to do.
Your Childhood Wasn’t “Too Long Ago to Matter” — It Was Where You Were Wired
Let’s get something clear: childhood wasn’t just about what happened to you. It was about what you learned to believe about yourself in order to stay safe, seen, or accepted.
Your nervous system was being shaped every moment — through connection, through touch, through words, through silence.
- Did you feel emotionally safe when you cried?
- Were your needs welcomed or seen as too much?
- Was independence praised while vulnerability was ignored?
- Were your caregivers emotionally available, or just physically present?
Even if nothing “big” happened — no obvious trauma — these relational patterns taught your system what to expect from people, from yourself, and from the world.
They laid the foundation for your core beliefs:
- “I must be easy to love.”
- “My needs are too much.”
- “If I upset someone, I’m bad.”
- “It’s safer not to ask for anything.”
These beliefs don’t live in your head alone — they live in your body, your nervous system, and your automatic choices.
What Are “Negative Core Beliefs”? And Why Do They Still Run the Show?
A negative core belief is a deep-rooted assumption you carry about yourself or the world.
Most of them are not consciously chosen — they were shaped by early, repeated emotional experiences.
They often sound like:
- “I’m not enough.”
- “I’m too much.”
- “I can’t trust anyone.”
- “If I express myself, I’ll be rejected.”
- “No one will catch me if I fall.”
These aren’t just thoughts. They’re survival strategies your younger self developed to stay safe in a world that felt unpredictable, confusing, or emotionally unavailable.
They get lodged in the nervous system as default “truths.”
Which means you can know better as an adult… but still feel stuck.
Have you ever:
- Had a panic response to something “small”?
- Struggled to receive comfort or help, even when offered?
- Pulled away when things got too safe or calm?
- Told yourself, “I should be over this,” yet felt like you were back at square one?
That’s not a personal flaw. That’s a protective pattern still trying to keep you safe in the only way it knows how.
The Role of Shame: When Needs Go Unmet, We Internalise the Blame
Shame is one of the most silent, invisible forces running through unresolved childhood trauma.
When your emotional needs weren’t met as a child, your brain didn’t think:
“My parent is overwhelmed or unavailable.”
Instead, your brain thought:
“I must be the problem.”
That’s how shame begins.
And once it's in, it becomes a filter — distorting the way you see yourself and others.
Shame teaches you to:
- mistrust your own needs
- disconnect from your body’s signals
- minimise your pain so others don’t pull away
- feel guilty for wanting connection or help
- carry the burden of making others comfortable
In therapy, we often unearth this early shame around needing, asking, resting, being seen, or even just existing.
Your Nervous System Is Not Broken — It’s Loyal
Your nervous system has one job: protect you.
It doesn’t care whether a trigger is logical or from the past — it simply responds the way it learned to.
Here’s what that might look like:
- You shut down in conversation — because that’s how you survived conflict as a child.
- You over-explain or people-please — because your body equates connection with performance.
- You freeze when someone asks what you need — because it never felt safe to have needs.
These aren’t faults. They’re loyal responses.
They might be outdated, yes.
But they were brilliant at one time. They protected the younger version of you.
Nurturing the Inner Child Isn’t Woo — It’s Nervous System Work
When we talk about “inner child healing,” we’re really talking about meeting the parts of you that didn’t get what they needed — emotionally, relationally, or physically.
That child isn’t gone.
They live inside your nervous system, your triggers, your longings, your shame, your over-achievement, your shutdowns.
To nurture that inner child is to say:
“You make sense. I’m here now. You no longer have to handle this alone.”
This work isn’t fluffy. It’s deeply somatic.
Sometimes it’s in stillness. Sometimes in tears.
Sometimes it’s allowing a tremble or sigh to move through the body.
Is It Too Late to Heal? (No. And Here’s Why.)
Many people arrive in therapy with the fear:
“I’ve waited too long. I should’ve done this years ago.”
Here’s the truth:
Your body and brain are always trying to heal.
They just need safety, connection, and the right conditions to do so.
Neuroplasticity means:
- Your brain can form new patterns, even after decades
- Your body can learn what it never knew — safety, rest, connection
- Your inner child can be reparented
You are not behind.
You are exactly where you are — and healing can begin gently.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Too Much. You Were Just Left Holding Too Much.
If you still feel like "too much"…
If your nervous system still panics…
If you're still ashamed of needing…
Please hear this:
You are not broken.
You are not dramatic.
You are not behind.
You are not too late.
You adapted.
Brilliantly.
Loyally.
And now you’re beginning to reconnect with the parts of you that were never the problem — only the carriers of unmet pain.
That’s not a flaw.
That’s a beginning.
FAQs
- Is inner child work the same as therapy?
Not always — but they complement each other beautifully.
- What if I don’t remember my childhood?
Completely normal. Your body remembers even when your mind doesn’t.
- How does this relate to Brainspotting or EMDR?
Both approaches work beneath language, accessing stored trauma.
- I feel ashamed of still struggling — is that common?
Yes — and shame isn’t yours to carry alone anymore.
- How do I start healing if I feel too overwhelmed?
Start small. Even asking, “What part of me is activated right now?” is healing.